the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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