Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
