So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
