dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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