if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
