I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
