sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
