writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
