If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
