i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
