whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
