she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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