Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
