and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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