so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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