You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
