It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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