just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
