Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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