I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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