Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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