I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
