? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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