Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
