Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
