Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
