I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
