I hate your face
Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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