He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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