I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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