Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
