i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
