We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
