So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
