Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
