I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
