Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
