i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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