no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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