i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
