Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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