if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
