Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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