Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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