Acid is not a monday night drug
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
