I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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