Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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