Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
