eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found puke in my bra..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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