My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
