Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
