I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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