so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
