Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
