Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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