Soap is not a condiment
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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