Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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