All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
