We need to rekindle our bromance
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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