I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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