as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize