just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Come on in and take your pants off
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