I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
