He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just invented taco cereal.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
