He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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