as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
