She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I died a long time ago.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize