i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize