New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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