I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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