is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
